


She and Him

by sistasarahsallysaidso



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Camping, F/M, Happy Ending, Love at First Sight, Pining, Reader-Insert, Unnamed Man - Freeform, Unnamed Woman - Freeform, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22380889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sistasarahsallysaidso/pseuds/sistasarahsallysaidso
Summary: What do you do when the boss you've been in love with since you were hired drops a bomb that threatens your dreams?  Perhaps you find a new dream.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Reader
Comments: 15
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

“I…can’t.”

Shocked dismay filled her eyes, her heart, as she spoke as much as she could in response to his request. She’d worked as his assistant for three years and counting, and he’d asked much of her during that time. She’d planned his sister’s surprise birthday party, and bought gifts for his family and friends, in addition to her professional duties arranging his schedule and drafting his communications. But these particular requests he made of her occasionally… These reservations for two at a dim corner table, these weekend bookings at a Parisian hotel, these last-minute flights for a quick “date”… They chipped away at her heart; a heart already nicked and scraped from years of neglect from the one person who could serve as balm.

“What do you mean you ‘can’t’? You just said you don’t have plans for the long weekend.”

His brow furrowed at her non-compliance. It wasn’t like her, she knew, to say no to him. For any reason. She’d once moved long-standing travel plans to see her family at his request for her to accompany him to a charity dinner on short notice. Not as his date. No, he never lacked for a woman on his arm if he wanted one. She put off spending time with her family to follow him around as he networked at the event, taking notes and numbers, making arrangements for meetings and e-mails and conference calls. Her mother had understood when she’d called, though; knew arguing would be futile. Mother knew Daughter well enough to know that if he wished it, she would work through the entire weekend instead of just the first night and had accepted the change in schedule with grace and unspoken worry.

“I can’t accompany the two of you on a camping trip into the foothills. I’m sorry.”

How dare he? How dare he take something he knew to be one of her near-sacred passions and ask her to share it with him and his latest? Did he expect her to listen from the next tent over while they spent their romantic night under the stars? Was she supposed to watch him help her over fallen trees and across slimy rocks in the rivers and creeks they would cross?

“Of course you can. I don’t need a guide so much as someone to help make camp, create the fire, put out the fire, cook, carry gear… Stuff like that. I’ll pay you.”  
She canted her head unconsciously. Despite the last few years of spending 60-hour weeks with him, simultaneously reveling in any time she could be near him and aching because he didn’t see her as anything but useful, she was hurt. She almost felt betrayed. When she had noticed herself drawing close to this feeling in the past, she had taken a weekend to unplug from him and retreat into the foothills. The clear air helped deconstruct him for her. On the wind flew his carefully styled hair. Past that rock she left behind his strong nose. Over that plateau was his uncompromising jaw. Washed down the river were his piercing eyes. The wildflowers made her smile again. The mountains so close realigned her thoughts, reminded her of her place. The careful chores involved with setting up a camp site, and making sure to pack out what she packed in reminded her she was strong on her own, capable and sure.

But she couldn’t do it. She simply couldn’t take along two people who would only tune their senses to each other, who wouldn’t care if a rare bird took flight, flushed from its perch, who would ignore the whistle of the wind through the valley below. More than this, she couldn’t take him to a place she had used to escape his unwitting hold over her so many times. Through the exacting exorcism of his image each time she went out into the wild, she had indelibly linked that place with his face, his being. She already shared that wildness with him. She couldn’t share it with him and another.

“No. I’m sorry.”

She got up from her desk and left the anteroom, taking the stairs without thought or intention. Movement was her only aim, a steady forward motion. When she almost collided with a woman walking across her path, she realized she was standing on the street outside their office building. She turned her feet in the direction of the coffee shop on the corner. Her best friend would be there by now. Though she had an innately accurate knowledge of time passing, she couldn’t seem to make her mind recall what time it was. Surely it was after the school day had ended. She knew her friend’s habit was to grade her papers there while other people waited on her. She sent a silent prayer winging upward that today was no exception. She needed comfort.

She slowed after a few steps, though. Her friend had told her several times that she was an idiot to continue working for him, considering how she felt and argued that it was an unhealthy and pathetically common form of torture; that if he hadn’t fallen in love with her by now, he never would. It was argued that the attraction was only present because he was very good-looking, by most anyone’s standards, and that he was built like a throwback to pioneer days, when men were strong from hard labor instead of gyms and jogs, and perhaps that was why she went on those jaunts into the mountains. According to her friend, her Daniel-Boone-log-cabin fantasy trips had to include a Daniel Boone, and her boss simply fit the image. It wasn’t understood or considered that her fantasies were constructed around him.

She had a million things to do at the office, and she couldn’t afford to knock off early because she couldn’t keep her emotions under control. She took a few deep breaths, ignoring the people ignoring her, and turned back in his direction. Her friend wouldn’t give the comfort she needed. Only two things could: him, and the foothills. The time the foothills required wasn’t available right now, and he was the cause of her distress. She would have to find a way to comfort herself, at least enough to get through this day. She could push herself at the gym after he went home and wear herself out. Maybe that would allow sleep to come before dawn.

She stopped by the restroom to gather herself before reentering the anteroom to his office, which held her desk. He was in a meeting when she arrived and she briefly wondered who had greeted the guest. Dismissing it, she sat at her computer to transcribe the latest communiques to be sent out in the morning. Two hours after she began, she had fielded seven calls and two crises she was able to diffuse on his behalf. The steady flow of work helped calm her mind. She was ashamed at her lack of discipline regarding him. In the regular sublimation of those emotions, she hadn’t noticed how strongly they had developed. Perhaps she should take her friend’s advice and look for other employment. Surely this love unreturned would wither without his presence. Even flowers that grew in shade couldn’t survive in total darkness.

“There you are. Are you alright?”

She looked up from where her fingers had suspended their work on the keyboard in the midst of her thoughts. He was standing in his doorway with a few pages of notes for her to transcribe, looking at her with what appeared to be genuine concern.

“Yes, thank you.”

She couldn’t quite look him in the eye, but she rose to take the notes from him.

“I need those sent back to me by tomorrow morning. And I have several meetings that need to be scheduled based on the information in here. Tomorrow, if possible, but definitely by the end of the week.”

She nodded without comment as she took the proffered notes from him and began reading his scribbled handwriting. Given he had just spent two hours in a meeting, she thought he would have retreated back into his office to take care of calls and such that had to be ignored while he was occupied, but when she sat at her desk, she looked up to find him still standing in his office doorway, hands in pockets, looking at her. She wondered if she were about to get in trouble for abandoning her post, as it were.

“I’d like you to reconsider going into the foothills with us. I have some important things to discuss with her, to ask her, and I need someone I can trust to take care of everything while I take that time. She’s not used to being outdoors in that way, and I want to share that with her. No one I know is more careful and respectful of the land than you. I might be able to find someone else who would do a credible job, but I don’t want to. I need you.”

She sat still, her face studiously blank. Had his tone been wheedling or flippant at all, she could have continued her stance with her confident façade intact. But he hadn’t made it that easy on her. He’d been respectful and serious. She had spent the past three years making herself invaluable to him, hoping to show him she could be invaluable in his life as well as his office, but she realized at that moment that she had only succeeded in the latter. She couldn’t punish him for not reading between the lines she’d never clearly drawn. Her emotions were to remain hers alone, not to be shared by him. Not with her. She took another deep breath and inhaled the resignation of accepted fate. Not once since she began working for him had she been able to deny him anything when he said he needed her. Perhaps he knew this and was simply manipulating the situation toward his desired outcome, but it didn’t matter. She was no longer capable of saying no.

“Alright. I’ll do it. I’ll create an itinerary and, subject to your approval, I’ll file our planned path with the rangers. I’ll send you a pack list for gear. Tell me if you no longer have any of it and I’ll pick up replacements for you. If you want anything not on the list, add it so I can plan for that, as well. Is Friday afternoon through Monday afternoon alright with you?”

She didn’t see relief flow across his face, as she had expected. He just continued to stare at her, nodding slightly in answer to her question.

“Was there anything else you needed?”

The phrasing slipped out unbidden, but grimly amused her for all its overt subtext. She was already forming her resignation letter in her mind. If he was manipulating her with his choice of words, her mimicry should have served as warning enough that she understood his game. If he wasn’t, and that term was unconscious or simply not important, he could take her question at face value.

“No, that will work. Thank you. Really. I know you didn’t want to, and I appreciate you once again going beyond the call of duty.”

She gave a close-mouthed smile and a nod, hoping against hope he would turn back into his office already. He did her one better, though, and announced he was leaving early. She waved him on his way and promised she would have the notes and meetings he needed created by the time he arrived in the morning, and he was gone.

She had two weeks before the trip to plan, and she didn’t waste any time. She composed her very simple letter of resignation, strictly professional and polite, and used her file of his signature to approve it. She had no intention of allowing him to ask her questions about why she was leaving. She filed the letter with HR so in retrospect she would have worked out her two weeks’ notice, and she would leave him a copy on his desk before they all left the next weekend. He could find it after returning to work. She would not see him again after the trip.

This decision created a host of other issues she needed to take care of, though, in addition to planning a trek into the foothills, and her normal complement of duties. She typed up the notes from his meeting, stopping when applicable to call another admin for a meeting to be set, or drafting an e-mail to another colleague. When all the work for the next morning was handled the workday was finished, but she remained behind to update her resume and some notes which would allow the person who filled her position to acclimate more quickly. She then sent an e-mail to HR’s director telling her that her boss wanted her to handle the interviewing of her replacement and to send her the details when she received the applications. Extricating herself from his life would apparently be easy, but from his office, and without his knowledge, she had her work cut out for her. She had a momentary feeling of unease over her duplicity, but she’d been lying to him about her feelings for so long the feeling didn’t last. It was for the best. Perhaps not for him, and perhaps she was subconsciously trying to shock him in the only way she could with this final uncharacteristically defiant act, but it was time she put her needs above his. Unfair, maybe. But it was past time.


	2. Chapter 2

The two weeks that followed were quick and painful. She had triple the amount of work to do and since she alone knew her final day was approaching, there was no slack in the line she had to tow. She had submitted applications and resumes to several other firms who had advertised for an executive administrative assistant, and had interviews set up for the week after her trip. She couldn’t get away from the office for that purpose in the intervening hours. She had hired her replacement after two days, and when pressed had explained away the new woman’s presence saying she was training a new executive admin. She’d deemed lies of omission to be acceptable.

Friday afternoon arrived and all was ready for the trip to commence. The gear was packed in her SUV and he had left only minutes earlier to pick up The Woman. That’s how she’d come to think of her. Though he hadn’t said it outright, he had implied that he wanted the trip to be romantic and easy, with plenty of time and scenery to be able to talk about moving into their future together, and perhaps even propose. She had planned their path accordingly, as though she were planning the trip for just him and her. She tried taking them on a different route than she normally took when hiking and camping alone, trying to preserve that piece of wilderness for herself. Maybe it was selfish, but she didn’t want to muddy her future enjoyment of the hillside with memories of this coming weekend.

Several coworkers who knew of her resignation via HR came together to toast her continued success in the world, and she was genuinely touched to hear their well-wishes. It sent a small pang through her heart to hear them speak of their inability to comprehend him without her or her without him. They’d come to see them as a pair, a matched set. She wondered how these people, outsiders to their duo, had noticed what he himself couldn’t. She saw a couple of knowing glances thrown her way, glances that said they understood how difficult leaving him would be for her, and that they sympathized. In a way it was gratifying to see it hadn’t all been so deeply buried that no one could have found it. Some had, just not him.

She’d felt resolute about her decision, but alone. She’d called her best friend one night that past week when it had suddenly dawned on her that she was less than a week away from never seeing him again, and cried to her about the coming weekend, her plan, and what it was costing. Her friend tried to comfort her, to reinforce her in that decision, but she could hear the relief and smug satisfaction of being proven right, as well as a loyal fury at him for asking her to put herself in that position. She hadn’t ended up feeling any better than before the call, and accomplished only a stuffy head after her crying jag.

After promising to keep in touch with several people and agreeing to drinks some night the following week, she returned to her office. She printed the resignation letter with his signature on it, so he would know how she accomplished it without him and laid it in the middle of his desk. She stood for a few minutes staring at his empty chair, seeing in her mind’s eye the countless number of times she’d stood in that exact place watching him as he dictated a request for her. She could see the top of his head, his hair still hardly touched by gray at all. Something he lamented, saying gray hair would lend him more gravitas in negotiations. But his youthful appearance worked in his favor more often than not. He’d established himself as a free thinker, unconcerned with continuing in the vein of those before him unless they were already on his track. He ruffled feathers, and he burned some bridges, but he also made money. For those he worked for, his bottom line justified his slightly renegade behavior. She wanted to store up these memories. She wanted her mind so full of her version of him that seeing him with The Woman this weekend wouldn’t, couldn’t, usurp their positions. When in the future she thought of him, she didn’t want her last memories of him to be with anyone but her.

She knew the office party had put her slightly behind schedule, and standing around wasn’t helping. She walked out of his office and closed the door behind her, for the last time. She’d already cleared her personal information from her machine, so she turned off her computer, for the last time. She emptied her desk of her few remaining personal effects and locked the desk drawer, for the last time. She took the little gift her coworkers had given her in jest – a small ceramic bulldog pencil holder that some ancient soul had left behind at some point – and rode the elevator to the parking garage. Pulling into traffic, she began the process of steeling herself for the coming meeting and subsequent weekend. She needed to be prepared to hold herself as aloof as possible without seeming rude. She knew she couldn’t feign friendship, but he’d never before invited that level of intimacy, and she was still his employee this weekend. Layer by layer she built her reserve until, arriving at his condo, she felt prepared to greet them and begin their journey. Her last days with him.

He’d not left his condo, opting to leave work as soon as he could that morning, so she beeped the horn to let them know she was outside, and they brought out their packs. He was a skilled hiker, so she had been confident he wouldn’t allow either of them to forget anything necessary. She opened the back of the SUV and stored the added gear, then returned to the front to find her boss sitting in the driver’s seat and The Woman in front with him. It brought her up short, but she remembered that he had told her he didn’t want her to act as a guide for them, and she had sent him the trail they would take for approval, so he knew where they were headed. She climbed in the back near the gear and did her best to tune them out, answering questions put to her with reserve and a calm, polite tone she had practiced. If she had felt ridiculous practicing her tone, she was vindicated when it seemed to work.

It was only an hour and a half from the city to the national park they’d be hiking into, so she contented herself with watching the passing scenery build up and empty out. The closer she got to her foothills, the more this weekend seemed endurable. The Woman was peppering him with questions about where they were going and regaling them with past summer camp misadventures. He pointed out that summer camp was not at all like the kind of camping they would be doing, and began enumerating the beauty they could expect to see once on the trail. Head still facing the side window, she let her eyes close as his voice washed over her. She could see exactly the pond he was describing, with the little pier erected back when Manifest Destiny was in effect, where the best fishing was to be had. The Woman wrinkled her nose at the thought of fishing.

“I’ve never tried fishing, and I definitely couldn’t skin one, or whatever you do before it’s eaten.”

There was a smile in the voice if not the sentiment, so she knew the words were more flirtation than objection. He seemed to know that, too, telling them he would catch the fish and they could watch.

“I bet she could catch and skin a fish.”

It was also said with a smile, but the tone had shifted to be a bit sharper, just a bit nasty on the edge. Or maybe she was imagining things, because she didn’t want to be friendly. When The Woman shifted from the front to look at her, she just smiled slightly with her eyebrows raised, as if to agree.

“I’m sure she can. I don’t think there’s much she can’t do.”

Her eyes shifted from The Woman to him, meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror when she realized he was looking at her. She held his stare for a beat, to make certain he wasn’t laughing at her, then turned back to the window, again seeking refuge in her mind while the interminable drive continued.

Eventually they reached their parking lot at the rangers’ station. They checked in and received the mandatory and standard warning regarding the predators in the forest where they would be staying and set off with their gear. To give credit, The Woman didn’t balk at carrying a share, which was fortunate, as it wouldn’t have been possible for only him and her to carry everything in the packs. She dropped back a slight distance from them to give as much privacy as they could get under the circumstances. The move was self-serving, though. It was easier to remain separate, easier on her heart not to hear their flirtatious conversation or see their casual and not-so-casual touches. They had to stop often for The Woman to rest. Hiking was different from treadmills, or weights, or any other indoor-based exercise. He didn’t seem to mind, and they had all day to get to the campsite she’d pre-determined, so she was careful not to present any irritation at the breaks. About two hours before sundown, they reached the site, dropping their gear and taking the moment to rest and look around them.

It was a truly lovely vista. She’d located this little ridge in the hillside surrounded with trees, but facing the pond he’d described. The sun was making its descent and the water shimmered with the breeze’s ripples. As the leaves rubbed together on their branches, she felt at peace for the first time that day. Maybe for the first time in two weeks. It was short-lived, however.

“This is gorgeous! God! Who knew this existed in the wild? It looks like a postcard.”

While she wished The Woman would shut up, she couldn’t disagree. It was definitely Nature at its finest. She turned to address him, meeting his eyes for the first time since the car ride.

“I’m going to go catch dinner while there’s still light. If you’ll unpack the tents, I’ll set them up when I get back. It shouldn’t take long.”

“There’s no need for you to do that. I can catch dinner. I’ll bring her with me, and you can set up camp. It might take me longer, but you’ll probably have the fire going by the time I get back.”

She took that to mean he wanted the fire going when they got back, and she watched them start down the hillside towards the pond, their joined hands swinging. If this had been her trip with him, they would have set up the camp together in no time flat, then both gone to the pier just to watch the water for a time, knowing they could catch fish quickly. But it wasn’t her trip with him, so she unpacked the tents, knowing exactly where everything was, since she’d been the one to pack it in. Setting up tents by herself wasn’t as easy as with two people, but it was doable, and she had their tent up and secured into the ground by the time their lazy meander reached the pier. She could see them, and occasionally hear laughter drifting back up to her. At least he was happy with her. She could feel some contentment with that. Not quite able to extend her happiness with his situation without her to preparing their bed, she began work on her own tent and had it secured quickly. She prepped her belongings inside and stowed her pack for use on the next day’s hike.

She’d gathered dry sticks and small logs on their way to the site, so she had kindling to start the fire when she saw them headed back up the hill with their catch. He had three fish dressed and ready for cooking. She started the fire easily and spitted the fish when they were brought to her. As the fish cooked he directed The Woman in setting up their tent and they headed back down to draw some water from the pond to boil for their use the next day. It was ready by the time they got back, so they ate while the water boiled, and after dinner, she took an axe and the fish remains to the shoreline to dispose of them, and cut up some drift wood to feed the fire. She stayed out as long as she could without letting the fire die before heading back up the hill. For them to have private time for him to initiate this conversation he wanted to have, she would try to stay out of their way.

For the tents to be a safe distance from the fire, they’d had to be placed immediately next to one another. She was exhausted from the hike in and setting up camp, so she begged off from the fire after dinner, and went to her tent. She was hoping she would be able to go to sleep before the other two turned in so she wouldn’t have to hear them. As she lay on her back staring at the peak of her tent, she reflected that she hadn’t thought this through. She should have brought along earplugs for this express purpose. But there were times when hiking that you needed to rely on your ears to tell you something was coming or was wrong, especially when your eyesight was restricted because you were in a tent. She was drowsy and dozing lightly, on her way to sleep, when she heard the couple enter their tent and zip up. She could hear muffled laughter and shifting cloth. When she heard the smacking sound of two people kissing, she knew she wouldn’t be able to lie beside them while he made love to someone else. She unzipped her tent as quietly as she could, picked up her bag and pack, and made her way down to the shoreline. As rickety was it was, the pier was still in good enough repair that she could lay on it for the rest of the night. But though she could no longer hear what was happening in their tent, sleep remained elusive for hours yet.

She woke with the sun’s crest over the nearby mountains and took her time getting up. She stretched out slowly, feeling her fingers and toes one at a time, breathing deeply of the crisp mountain morning. She sat up and glanced over her shoulder at the ridge where the tents had been pitched. No signs of anyone stirring yet. She decided she would take a quick bath in the pond while no one was around. She stripped out of her clothing and dropped off the pier into the pond. It was freezing cold, but she’d known it would be and relished the way it pressed a Go button in her brain. She ran her hands over her body, hoping to dislodge any sweat or dirt left over from the day before, and then pulled herself up to sit on the edge of the dock for a moment to begin to dry off. There was still no one around, so she didn’t bother getting dressed immediately. She wrang the water from her hair and sat with her face towards the sun, enjoying this last few minutes alone before she couldn’t dare to be unclothed any longer. She wasn’t too worried about anyone from the ridge seeing her. They were far enough away they wouldn’t be able to see any detail, if they bothered to look.

After she dressed, she rolled up her bag and took it and her pack back up the hill. There was still no sound from the shared tent, so she began putting together what she would need to create coffee for them. It was just finishing when The Woman emerged from the tent, bleary-eyed and sluggish. All focus had zeroed in on the heating coffee and the offered cup was accepted in silence. Nothing was said by either of them while sipping from the steaming mugs, and that was fine. Not long afterwards, he came walking from the trail they’d entered yesterday. She was surprised, as she’d assumed he was still in his tent, but thought he’d simply left a little earlier to take care of any pressing needs away from camp. He greeted The Woman, and thanked her for the coffee she offered him. Feeling terribly awkward, she dug into her pack and produced granola and bananas for them to have with breakfast. The Woman looked askance at it, but didn’t object when given a share. They all ate in silence, each lost in their own thought. Since they didn’t need a guide, she was to have the day to herself while they went on a hike and had lunch on the trail. The plan was to meet back at camp for dinner, which suited her just fine. They’d have their privacy and she’d have hers.

They packed up quickly and left after breakfast was finished, and she packed away the banana skins and leftover granola. “Pack out what you pack in,” had been drilled into her head since she was a child on camping trips with her parents, so that it was second nature to her now. She took the coffee pot and cups to the pond to rinse them, and packed up her stuff once she was finished stowing the pieces and dousing the fire.

She spent her day lolling in the tall grasses and sunshine. It was just beginning to be fall, and soon enough the sun would be weakened and the grass would die. Snow would cover the valley and most of the brooks and creeks would ice over. The pond she’d slept beside would be solid on top by the dead of winter, and she could ice fish or skate as she saw fit. But just then, with the breeze playing gently through the trees and grass, and the sun shining bright and strong in the valley, she was glad she’d come. She rambled along the outer edge of the foothills along the valley for a time, stopping at a small boulder that had fallen some time long passed to eat the peanut butter sandwich she’d packed in for that day. While she was eating, watching a ladybug dart from her hand to the tall grass surrounding, she heard a voice calling out. It was deep and carried well, and for a moment she thought it was his, but around a bend appeared a younger man, maybe her age, walking with a tall stick and a full pack, following a bounding black Labrador who looked to be enjoying itself, tracking something in the grass. The lab picked up the scent of her peanut butter sandwich and decided that was much more interesting than whatever he or she had been following before. The man noticed her then, smiling to have encountered another human on his trek.

“Hello! Don’t mind Monk. He’s polite enough. Not so polite he won’t stare at you until you decide you should give him a bite of whatever you’re eating, but he won’t jump you.”

His smile was nice, though she thought it a little warm for someone he’d just met.

“I’m not worried about him. His manners are very pretty. Aren’t they, Monk?”

His tail wagged at his name. She held out the back of her hand for him to sniff and he nosed it up onto the top of his head. She laughed at his antics and finished the last bite of the sandwich she’d been eating. Monk saw this and gave a little doggy sigh, as if lamenting the lost possibility. She rubbed his head behind his ears in reward for his stoicism. The stranger had been grinning at his dog during this, but transferred his gaze to her.

“I hope you have a hat to protect your skin.”

She had no doubt he was noticing the afternoon sun glistening on her skin.

“I do, indeed. I took it off to enjoy the sunshine while I ate.”

“Do you mind if I sit down for a few minutes?”

She scooted over on the rock and he swung his pack off his back and took a seat, sighing at the lack of weight. His pack looked truly heavy.

“You look like you’re packed in for a week out here.”

She wasn’t normally nosy, and she certainly didn’t want to elaborate about her trip out here, but she was a little nervous about this stranger being so close while she was alone. She hadn’t seen anyone else on her trek through the valley today, and while that wasn’t completely unusual, it didn’t bode well for anyone coming to her aid if he turned out to have an intent to harm her.

“Not quite that long, but little buddy likes to sleep in a hammock and has to have special food, so I’ve got a few extra provisions packed than it would be for just me.”

The little buddy in question was lying at their feet now, contented for the moment to rest.

“Your pack, I notice, is quite small. Are you day-tripping?”

Her eyes went to her pack, as well, while she considered how to answer him. It was probably a good idea not to tell him everything about their trip and camp, but it couldn’t hurt to let him know there were people who would be missing her by dinnertime if she were kidnapped or worse. Before she could respond, though, he seemed to read her unease. He stood up and took a step away, facing her, putting his hands in his pockets.

“It was just a casual question. You don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“That’s okay. I’m here with two others, but we split for the day. We’ll meet back at our base camp for dinner tonight.”

He nodded, pleased, she thought, that she chose to share the information with him after all. He asked if she’d been out here before, and they began a conversation about the area, which they had both visited frequently, deftly skirting any personal information that didn’t relate to their camping and hiking experiences. Neither asked the other’s name, or where they were from, what they did for a living. It didn’t matter. Monk eventually became distracted by a butterfly flitting among the tall grass, and away he went, chasing after it. When she recognized from the sun’s position that she needed to start back to camp, she told him so.

“It was truly nice to meet you. Good to find a kindred spirit. I wish you well for the rest of your trip, and after.”

He held out his hand to her. She used it to stand up from the rock where she was still sitting, and he tightened his grip a bit, looking into her eyes. She was facing the setting sun and he was wearing his hat, but his light green eyes appeared almost golden from this view, glowing out from his tanned face. For a moment, she was frozen where she was, like a deer in headlights, caught in a moment of indecision, and the tableau presented of the sun setting behind the distant mountains, and the black dog bouncing through the swaying grass seemed to stretch time. It was all so warm. But the moment passed when he released her hand and stepped over to his pack and walking stick. He swung it onto his back and whistled for Monk, who came at a run.

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye. Goodbye, Monk.”

The dog looked her way when she said his name, but then trotted off beside his human as soon as he began walking. She watched him move away from her in the direction he’d been headed when he’d stopped to speak with her. His walk was confident, his steps sure and solid. He looked like he belonged there, walking this huge land with a loyal dog at his side. As soon as she’d deemed him far enough away that it wouldn’t look like she was following him, she put her hat back on her head and picked up her pack. She headed back in the direction of camp a bit more introspective in the return than she’d been when leaving. She didn’t want to analyze him or his conversation. His motivation in stopping to talk to her was undoubtedly opportunity and loneliness, coupled with an apparent enjoyment of people. Instead she analyzed herself, her feelings about the time with him.

It had been so long since she spent time alone with any man but Him. Even most of that time was spent in a purely professional capacity, speaking of nothing but office-related topics. Occasionally he would ask about her free time and she would tell him about her hikes into the woods where he couldn’t find her with a cell phone, or about her trips back home to see her family, but mostly their conversation was about business. As she thought back, she couldn’t remember any time when their conversation has seemed to be about her. The questions about her trips out of town were prompted by his lack of ability to get ahold of her for work requests, not from a desire to know who she was when she wasn’t his assistant. And that’s because she was always his assistant. She had allowed there to be no set working hours, no boundary between his time and hers. She had designated all of the time he wanted as his, regardless of who or what that affected. She thought of all the family holidays she’d either missed or had to cut short because he asked her to work on something outside of business hours. She thought of her best friend, who’d been stood up so many times they’d stopped making firm plans to meet. No wonder he was so disliked by her friend. He took away the time she should have spent with her. She couldn’t bring herself to resent him or his requests, though, as she’d been the one to allow and even encourage those boundaries to disappear.

When she finally arrived back at camp, he and The Woman were already there, and they were subdued. She looked at him, and for the first time since she met him, she didn’t feel like she was in a fog. She felt she was finally seeing him clearly. He looked closer to his age, and though he was extremely fit, and by no means an old man, she saw him as less capable than before. Or maybe just more selfish. Why couldn’t he have set up this trip himself? Why force her to go, when he admittedly knew she didn’t want to, and truly didn't need her?

The Woman’s eyes were following him as he gathered together more kindling for the dinner fire. He wasn’t looking at The Woman, though. After glancing up at her approach, he continued about his task until he had everything he needed, then crouched down to set up the pyre.

“Let her do that. It’s what you brought her for and she’s here now.”

It wasn’t said with spite, but a natural dismissal of those in service. Thinking of it now, she realized how strange it must have been for him to have brought his assistant on a camping trip with the woman he might have asked to marry him that day. For the first time since this began, she truly questioned his motives for bringing her.

“She’s right. Let me make dinner. I’ll call you both when it’s ready.”

He looked up from where he was squatting as if to ascertain whether or not she was upset. Seeing she wasn’t, he took the arm of The Woman and they went walking into the woods below camp. She could see them having a conversation in stilted tones, but couldn’t hear what was being said. Gone were the swinging hands, and laughing moods. Something must have gone wrong while out hiking that day. In an interesting contrast, everything had gone right for her. She couldn’t quite make the leap all the way to pity for them, but she was already feeling less tortured by their presence.

She opened the can of beans and poured them in a pot to heat over the fire. Then she mixed the dry ingredients with some boiled water to make skillet cornbread to go with it. They were simple versions, without the added elements that would make the meal more palatable, but for such a short trip, it had seemed excessive to pack in bacon grease, cream, and peppers. Maybe it was her mindset at the time, though, she mused. Bland had seemed the order of the day when she’d been planning. When making the list for supplies, she had expected him to add a cooler with more “normal” foods that required refrigeration, as many things can be heated over an open flame if you bring the right pots and pans with you, but he hadn’t made any changes at all. He’d simply informed her of the gear he needed her to purchase for him and The Woman and turned it all over to her for the details.

As she stirred beans and checked the bread, she thought about how wrong she must have been to think she loved him. She marveled at her changeable nature, except maybe she hadn’t changed as much as it seemed. Perhaps instead of love for him, she’d been so lonely, so desirous of a partner who enjoyed the things she did, who could appreciate the things in life she loved, that she fixated on the person closest to that description in her life. Perhaps making this break in her heart and mind, with determination and conviction, had allowed her to finally take that mental step backwards and see the situation for what it was. She’d been building bridges over deep chasms that she hadn’t even recognized were there. Coupled with one day of hiking through this land she loved so much, and a few hours’ interest with a stranger and his dog, the proverbial scales seemed to have dropped from her eyes. What irony! Now she felt she could work for him without mooning about, and she’d quit. He still didn’t know that. She suddenly felt a laugh bubbling up from her gut. She felt free, weightless, hopeful.

She brought out the bowls she’d brought for them to use and called them both back for dinner. She served them and then herself, pouring the leftover coffee in another pot to heat, drinking the boiled water herself. She could feel the tension between the couple and felt herself to be the object of a gaze more than once. Since she didn’t want to get in the middle of whatever was happening between them, she didn’t raise her eyes from her food. When she was finished, she took everyone’s dishes to the pond to rinse them. She could hear some hushed, harsh tones while she was rinsing, so she sat on the pier to wait until she couldn’t hear them any longer. She was surprised when he sat down next to her.

“I think it’s best if we leave tomorrow after we wake up. Our conversation today brought to light some issues we’ve been dancing around for a while and they can’t be resolved while we’re here. In fact, it’s exacerbating them.”

The way he was looking at her when he spoke told her she was the reason these flames were being fanned. She felt like she’d done everything she could to make the trip as smooth as possible and gave them as much privacy as three people in one camp could have. And she really didn’t want to leave this place where she’d finally found a bit of herself.

“Also, it would be best if she and I left tomorrow together, without you.”

“I won’t have a way home if you take the car.”

“If you want to stay until the scheduled time for us to leave on Monday afternoon, I’ll send a car out to get you. You can pick up your SUV at my place. It’s gated, so it should be alright to stay parked on the street overnight.”

She studied his face. He looked a bit embarrassed. She’d never seen him anything less than confident, and knew The Woman must have voiced some strong objections to her presence here with them, if not to more than that.

“Take my car tomorrow, then, and send a car for me on Monday.”

He paused as if he wanted to argue, or explain, but he clenched his jaw as he looked out at the calm pond.

“Thank you. I’ll see you Tuesday.”

While she thought to herself that he was wrong about that, he raised himself from the pier and walked back up the hillside to the tents. More chatter arose on the wind, more subdued this time. Merely informing The Woman about the change in plans. She wondered if it had been his idea. Given what she knew of his personality, it was not. His solution would have been to send her home instead, and have her send a car for them on Monday. That they were not staying was definitely at The Woman’s insistence.

She didn’t hear any more conversation, so she walked back to camp with the rinsed dishes and put away the leftover food. She could hear him moving around their tent, likely packing what he could so they could leave early tomorrow, but he was alone in there. She passed The Woman, sitting still on a log they’d been using as a bench, staring at her in a way that indicated the thoughts were unkind. She sighed and after putting the dishes in her tent, came back out to the fire and silently tipped her head in the direction of the pond. The Woman immediately stood, moving towards the pier. She trailed slightly behind, bemused to find the rickety old pier to be such a popular place. When they reached the pier, she watched The Woman cautiously.

“You’re a cancer in my relationship with him, you know. You’re always there, slowly poisoning him towards me.”

“I don’t mean to be… I’m just doing my job.”

Her accusation was shocking, though her voice was quiet. She’d never said one word against or about The Woman to him, had no idea where this could have come from.

“There are conversations we have where every single sentence has your name in it. There is nothing you cannot do. You’re the best assistant he’s ever had, you’re attractive, you’re intelligent, you’re funny, you love your family, you love camping, for God’s sake. You raise tents and clean fish and while you were out today by yourself, I wouldn’t be surprised if you built yourself a log cabin and butchered a wild hog. If you were merely an avid outdoorswoman, I wouldn’t hold anything against you. You see, he may enjoy visiting a place like this, but deep down, he’s adapted really well to ‘the good life.’ He’s ambitious and sharp, and it’s made him famous in the right circles. And rich. With wealth like his, the world in which he moves becomes glossy and he’s gotten used to it. He camps for a weekend every now and again to prove to himself he hasn’t changed. But he has. His appreciation for people who can be useful in the areas of life that now occupy his time is very different from the appreciation he might have for someone who can bake cornbread over a fire.

“No, it’s not your camping skills that worry me. It’s that when he wakes up, his first action is to check his phone to see if you’ve e-mailed him anything important, as if you don’t sleep. It’s that when he used to wake up, his first action was to roll over to me. It’s that lunches used to be spent with me, and now he’s too busy when I call taking another meeting with you. You organize parties and oversee gifts. You bought my pearl and diamond earrings last Christmas. I know you did. He used to think about me, and now you think for him. I can’t overlook that.”

She was shocked. She knew he spent a lot of time working, and per force, so did she, but though she couldn’t know what she would have allowed had he ever expressed interest in her in any capacity other than professional, it had never been an issue.

“I’m sorry to hear that you trust him so little that you believe any of the things he does with me are anything other than a means to an end. It’s not me he’s addicted to, it’s work. The person assisting him could be anyone. He’ll still obsessively check his e-mail, and force them to work through lunch. He’ll still drag them to dinners and galas and ask them to take notes during conference calls when they have a mound of other work to do.”

“His last assistant wasn’t like this. You’re in his unconscious thoughts. You’ve ingratiated yourself to the point he won’t make decisions without your input. Personal decisions, like this trip. This trip that was supposed to be about him and me making some decisions about our future. Instead, I’m hearing about scheduling conflicts, and trips to visit clients out of country--with you in tow, naturally. Not me. Not me and you, but you. I’m hearing that the timing just isn’t right at the moment, but it should be soon, and would I wait for him? That he would have you help him pick out a giant sparkly ring if I could just wait. You! As if I want another woman choosing my engagement ring!”

She didn’t know where to start.

“His last assistant was inherited and was incapable of doing the work I do. I believe the trip he’s alluding to is the trip to China to inspect warehouses. This is not going to be the kind of trip you could accompany him on, as they’ve restricted visa access to only those whose names are on contracts. It’s still up in the air as to whether or not I, as his assistant, will be able to accompany him, as my name is not on the contracts. As for an engagement ring for you, he hasn’t brought it up, so I have nothing to say to that.”

The Woman began to speak, but she held up her hand for silence.

“I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve believed myself in love with him since I began working for him. I like that he camps to bring himself back down to earth. I like that he pulled himself up through the ranks, and the drive that brought him there. I like that he hasn’t become complacent about his position in the company. And I think you like all those things about him, too. I learned things today that made me believe I was never in love with him. Maybe in awe of him instead. In any case, I have no claim on him, and I want none. And I will not stop doing my job because you don’t like how well I do it.”

A needle of conscience made her admit to some degree of culpability in her pain.

“However, I didn’t set enough boundaries with him because I thought I wanted to be around him more than I wanted to be respected. That was wrong. Wrong for me, wrong for you, and wrong for him, too. He doesn’t know how to turn it off any more, because I don’t require him to. That will be ceasing immediately.”

She almost told The Woman about her resignation letting sitting on his desk back at work, but something made her stop. She’d conceded enough to someone who laid too much blame at her feet already. She thought perhaps her definitive tone and unyielding stance might be agitating, but after looking at her for a long moment, The Woman silently turned to head back to camp. Looking up, she could see him on the ridge watching. Who knows how long he’d been there, or if the night air carried any of their conversation up to him, but she thought from his expression he knew what was being said, even if he hadn’t heard the words. She turned her back on them again, and sat on the pier to wait for them to retire for the night. When she’d heard the tent zip up, she went back to camp and again retrieved her bag and pack. Heading to the pier, she thought she just might be up and out by the time they awoke the next morning, but in a burst of nostalgia, she didn’t want the last sight of him to be his tense, unhappy stance while he watched them argue. She would stay tomorrow morning until they were off, knowing it would be the last of him she’d see. She lay on her back, watching the stars slowly spin above, and drifted to sleep knowing she had taken the right steps.

She again woke with the sun and in taking her first deep breath of the day she realized this felt like a new beginning. A necessary shedding of an old skin. She stepped through the same routine she had taken the morning before, stretching out each limb, each finger, each vertebra, until she felt ready to finally get up. Looking around, she again found herself to be alone with the morning. For some reason, this made her think of the stranger from the day prior. Where had he woken up today, or was he still asleep? How far had he travelled on his long legs, with his bouncy dog? She mused about this as she shed her clothing and dropped off the pier into the water. As she surfaced, she heard a large splash to her left. When she looked, there was her stranger about fifty yards down the shore. He’d thrown a ball into the water for Monk to fetch, which he had just jumped in to do. As she treaded water, he looked over at her. That his face didn’t betray surprise told her he’d already known she was in the water, and must have seen her strip and get in.

She found herself only slightly embarrassed by that knowledge. She’d always felt drawn to the land as a natural being and found nothing shameful in the human body. Some were more attractive than others, but they were all made of the same pieces, and there seemed no better place for nudity than there in her wilderness. It seemed as if by magic that she had been thinking of him and he’d appeared. She was tempted to swim to him and ask where he’d made camp, since he’d found hers, but she was leery of spending too long in the water when she would need to dry off and dress to prepare breakfast before they were awake. Nudity in front of the stranger seemed natural in that place. Nudity in front of her former boss and The Woman seemed…unprofessional, and in direct opposition to all she’d claimed last night. She quickly rinsed off as best she could and hauled herself out of the water onto the pier where her clothes were. She dressed immediately this time, despite it making her clothing wet, and headed up the hill to camp.

The Woman had just unzipped the tent when she crested the ridge. She shot over a placid look and began rummaging through the pack for the rest of the coffee beans.

“Don’t bother. Hopefully we won’t be here long enough to cook them.”

Crawling out of the tent, she could see The Woman was fully clothed and he was, as well, gathering their things back into their packs, and rolling their bags into something they could attach. She decided to reheat beans and bread for herself, since they weren’t staying for breakfast. Within a few minutes, he was outside their tent, breaking it down. He added it to his pack and turned in her direction.

“That’s everything. We’re heading out. I’ll remember to send a car for you on Monday afternoon. On second thought, though, I’ll leave your SUV at the office. They key will be at reception so you can still get it when you get back.”

“Okay. Be safe, and be well.”

That comment earned her strange looks from both of them, but she knew she was constructing his last memory of her, and she was glad well-wishes could be a part of it. She didn’t spare more than a glance and a nod for The Woman, as that’s all she had time for before they were both turned down the trail back towards the ranger station. She spent a moment looking at her surroundings, absorbing the thought that the break was complete. The resolution she made two weeks ago was finally finished, and she was free. More so than she had realized she would be when she began the process.

Standing alone among the trees, she again stilled, listening to the wind blow the leaves together and watching the morning sunlight make the pond sparkle. She couldn’t hear the stranger and Monk any longer, and suddenly she very much wanted to. She headed down the hillside to the water’s edge, but they were gone. She scanned the face of the hills she could see, but neither was readily visible. More disappointed than she understood, she moved back to camp to eat her breakfast and get ready for her day.

She didn’t see Monk or her stranger all day long, or the next morning, as she packed and cleared her site. She thought it odd that she would miss them on such short acquaintance. Likely it was just that she had liked how she felt with them around and wanted to feel it again. She resolved that once she was back in the city, she would make every effort to chase that feeling in all aspects of her life. She had already let go of the biggest anchor holding her down. At that moment, anything seemed possible. She would simply set better boundaries next time so she had the ability to continue making trips into the foothills for pleasure instead of as a means of escape. Despite all that had happened over the course of the three-day trip, she didn’t look at the trail she was walking and see him in each step. That was progress. That was hope at work, with its healing hands. He had made good on what would be his last promise to her. The car was waiting for her at the station to take her back.


	3. Chapter 3

Tuesday morning, she sat in her kitchen sipping tea and reading the paper to find out what had happened while she was away. Her phone rang, and it was her mother telling her that her brother’s wife had had the baby early, and she was an aunt to a niece now, as well as a nephew. She made a note to call her brother when she got off the phone with her mother and told her mom about her resignation and trip into the foothills. She didn’t hold anything back, and by the end she was crying with guilt and remorse over her treatment of her family. Her mother told her how strong she was being, making a difficult choice, and it only made her cry harder. It was short-lived, however, and she finished their conversation by telling her mother of the interviews she had scheduled and her plans for sidestepping the trap she’d set for herself in her last job. She promised to come visit soon and then called her brother to offer congratulations and insist she receive pictures. She hung up from her last call feeling buoyant, and went to dress for the first of her interviews that week.

The interview hadn’t gone as well as she’d hoped it would. The skills they needed were well below the grade she was used to employing, and they hadn’t wanted to consider the salary she could command with her skill level. It wasn’t off the table, but she was hoping her situation wouldn’t warrant the necessity of taking the job anyway. She spent the rest of her evening out with her best friend, rehashing the trip. She realized while they were laughing and commiserating how much she had missed those types of moments, that innate acceptance of who she was. They saw each other regularly, but she had closed off part of herself after her friend had become so vehemently against her boss. Though she still felt it had been an overreaction, she was so grateful to have a friend who told her hard truths and stood by while she made poor decisions. She made more promises to be accessible and available. Then, finally, she felt whole again. Whole and happier than she’d been in a long while.

Thursday, she prepped for her next interview by skimming the company’s information and website while she ate breakfast and got dressed. Walking into the office building across town from her old job, she noticed a more casual air about the space. Professional still, but a little more relaxed than her other experience. Perhaps that was her, though, she mused. Maybe she was the one more relaxed. She was ushered into an office by a harried woman, too busy to do more than allow more than a half-hearted smile to wing her way. They certainly needed her, if the position was in the same department. The door opened behind her, and she stood to greet her interviewer.

“You!”

“Oh!”

It was her stranger, in a three-piece suit, looking startled and pleased, and she didn’t know what to say. Couldn’t think of a blessed thing. She found herself searching the space around his knees looking for Monk.

“I don’t bring him to the office. Though he’ll be sorry about that today.”

She looked back at him, and found he had his too-warm smiled trained on her again.

“I’m sorry. I’m just so surprised. You seemed like you were born in those foothills, and I’m having a hard time reconciling that image with this one.”

“I know the feeling. You are slightly more warmly attired than the last time I saw you.”

Instantly she remembered that the last time he saw her she was jumping naked into and climbing back out of the pond. What had seemed so normal and natural in that setting suddenly made her feel vulnerable and embarrassed. She noticed in the frantic din happening behind him that a couple of people were watching them, either hearing their conversation or wondering why he was still standing in the doorway. She looked at her suit jacket and tugged it down minutely.

“I’m sorry. I can’t interview here. If I’d known you were…but I couldn’t have, of course. No names.”

“No names.”

“I’m sorry to waste your time. Say hello to Monk for me.”

She started towards him, as he still stood with his hand on the doorknob. But before she could brush past him, he stopped her.

“Please, don’t go. I apologize for my remark. I shouldn’t have brought it up. You seemed so comfortable in your own skin out there. Still, that’s out there, and this is in here. I know that better than most. Please, sit. I read your resume and know who you are, and who you used to work for, and we could really use your expertise.”

She had seen that they could, and knew she could be effective there, but she was so much more attracted to this man than she had been to her previous boss, in different, more immediate ways, and she knew where that could lead her. Last time, it had taken this man – no longer a stranger – to shake her from the trance she’d entered into. What could shake her from this man if she took that risk? Still, that was merely a possibility. Perhaps she wouldn’t like him at all if she got to know him. So she liked how comfortable he was outdoors. So she liked his dog. So what? So his smile rendered her speechless. That would likely pass with acclimation. It had to. She was there, so she sat and to her eternal gratitude, he conducted the interview with complete professionalism, even if his eyes showed a kindness and understanding she thought was bordering on condescension. She’d negotiated a pay rate slightly above her last position and had informally agreed to accept the new position before she even realized what was happening.

He stood, and she followed suit automatically. He reached across his desk to shake her hand, and the instant her palm slid against his she was back in the valley while the sun set over the mountains behind him and everything was so warm. Again he tightened his hold on her hand while they looked at each other and time stretched.

“I’ll be damned. I thought it was just a fluke. Sunstroke or something.”

So he felt it, too. That was nice, though it complicated things. Start as you mean to go, she told herself. Set the boundaries. She pulled back on her hand. He didn’t let it go.

“If I work here, we can’t touch anymore.”

His eyebrow raised. He still didn’t let her go.

“I mean, this...shared experience we had was a fluke, and won’t be repeated. I have to be able to remain professional at all times, and insist that those I work for do, as well.”

“Oh, you won’t be working for me. The lady who showed you in here without me is my poor admin. You’ll be working for the President. His admin quit a week ago, and none of the people who already work in the office wanted to be promoted to the position. You definitely have your work cut out for you. And he won’t touch you at all.”

She noticed that he didn’t agree not to touch her himself. She was puzzling out what she should say to him when he finally let go of her hand and stepped around the desk. She backed towards the door a step, then turned and led the way out. His admin handed him a stack of messages, so he handed her off to another admin to take to HR for the contract and paperwork to be created and signed. In somewhat of a daze, she remembered that when he’d walked away from her that day in the valley, he hadn’t looked back. And he was very busy today by the look of things, and the speed at which the admin was propelling her along. She turned back to look at him, uncertain of what could be happening.

He was watching her. He hadn’t moved. She felt, then, that what was missing before had just clicked into place. She and Him. She sent him a blinding smile of her own and turned back to her escort, quickening her pace to catch up.


End file.
